Ed's Little Soft Room
by videogameandanime-empress
Summary: This is what happens when the men in white coats take the blonde boy in the red jacket to a little soft room.
1. Where's my talking suit of armor?

**(A/N) Time for another one of my all-too-famous authors notes we all know and love. This is COMPLETELY random and it's not meant to insult Edward at all, I love him with a passion, and this is just for fun.**

Dear diary,

My name is Ed. Today some people took me here to this wittle room. Even though its nice and soft it makes me sad to think I'll never get my red shiny stone.

The red and shiny stone is called the philosophers stone. I wonder why it's called that. I'm not a philosopher. I'm an alchemist. Why isn't it the Alchemist's stone!

Anyway what was I saying? Oh this is for whatever random thoughts I think of when I'm in the place, so... OH MY GOSH! That shadow scared me!

I thought it was Roy and he was coming to rape me. What does rape mean anyway? Theres this song that talks about raping and dates.

I wonder if those little fruits, dates, rape eachother.

They gave me a little uniform thingy. It's so cute how they think presents will make up for taking me away. Hehehe.

HEY! My uniform says small! I'm not small.

Doo doo doo. I've got a song stuck in my head. I don't know what it is though. Has that ever happened to you? The wall is pink. Did you know pink is pretty.

It's fun to pet the wall. My nose is itchy on the inside. Oh my gosh! Where's my jacket? Where's my pocket watch! Wheres my talking armor?

I'm going to cry now.

See there? I just cried. Isn't that sad?

Why was I crying again?

My tears tasted salty.

Hey! No! They're turning out the lights...what? It's bed time already? But I'm a big boy! I don't need a bed time any more! WAAAAH!

**(A/N) Haha totally short I know, but hey it's a ten minute chapter okay? I'll update soon. Someone new will be joining Ed in his little room. Yay! Anyways. REVIEW!**


	2. What's rape?

**(A/N) I got quite a few requests to update this random slur of words... I don't know why it took me so long... really it's one of the easiest things to write... I mean come on! Writing about insane people is fun... -says the authoress who happens to hear voices in her head from time to time- ahem...**

Dear diary, I learned what the word rape means today. Remember how I wondered before? Now I know.

The scary firey alchemist man taught me... it means... to force someone to-!...Hey pink walls. Pink is pretty.

There's a girl I know with pink bangs. The rest of her hair is brown though. I don't get that... really I mean who has multi colored hair like that? Her name is rose too... who names their kid rose? May as well name her Weed.

Weed is a type of drug. I remember this one like little eight year old tried to sell it to me once. And I bought it. And I showed it off to flamey man and he yelled at me.

He said I got ripped off.

What was I saying? Oh yes I learned what rape means. They brought Mr. Pyromaniac Alchemist here because... I don't know why but... why'd they bring me here anyway?

So they brought Roy Corvette... No wait... Roy Mustang... They brought Roy Mustang here and they locked him in here with me. He kept screaming things like "I'm not insane." I wonder why he thought they thought he was insane.

Rape is bad. Did you know rape is bad? Did you know I learned what rape was today? Roy told me after he got here. He said he was miserable because I wouldn't stop rambling and said if I didn't shut up he'd rape me.

But I didn't know what rape meant so I wasn't scared of him or anything. So then he grabbed a hold of me and said he'd show me what rape was. It was scary.

You know it was only five minutes before I wrote this diary entry. I wonder where he hid my pants. It's getting cold in here. Where's my jacket?

OH MY GOD I LOST MY JACKET! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Hey look a thingy. Thingys are so awesome. Did you know I have a thingy? Haha! You don't know what a thingy is do you? Okay its this thing... and it's shiny.

I got my thingy from the military because I'm so sexy. Or maybe it was for passing some test I'm not really sure. Roy thinks I'm sexy.

Did you know that when a guy says "You're sexy." to another guy it's a bad thing. I never knew that! But yeah they rape you after they tell you that. And rape is bad.

Did you know that dates rape eachother? It's so sick... maybe thats where little raisins come from.

You know that reminds me of when I had to tell my talking suit of armor about where babies come from.

**(A/N) That chapter was slightly disturbing... but funny none the less... hehehe it's fun writing effortlessly yet getting good result... randomness is good...GAAAH my nose itches!**


	3. Why is this fanfic all about rape?

**(A/N) I love you people. Do you want to know WHY? Because you fill my inbox with your lovely reviews... Thank you all! I accept these awards of best random authoress, best RoyEd authoress, and all around the coolest person on -Takes a bow- ...what? It's YOUR fault my ego inflated.**

Dear Diary, My room keeps being invaded. I don't understand. This is supposed to be my little soft room. It make no sense!

Yesterday they throw in General Corvette... er I mean Mustang, and today they throw in palm tree hair. Palm tree hair is mean. He calls me names. And he rapes me like flamey does.

Only it's different, when palm tree hair rapes me its worse. Cuz you see... at least man with fire is nice the way he rapes me. But palm tree hair is vicious. He is violent with his raping. He is scary. The walls are blue now.

The blue isn't as good as the pink that it used to be. Did you know that you aren't supposed to touch wet paint? I found that out.

I'm bored.

AAAAH NOO! Palm tree hair and Man with Fire are fighting again. I think they are aruging. I will go closer to hear better.

OOOOH. Roy just called Envy a bad word. I'm telling his mommy... wait does he have a mommy? Hm... wait of course he does everyone has a mommy. People can't be born without mommys... well actually they need a mommy and a daddy. Except in San Francisco. There they need a mommy and a mommy or a daddy and a daddy.

OOOH now Envy called Roy a bad word. I'm telling his- wait is that a bad word? I don't know. I've never heard it before. I think he said Azshoel. What the hell is an azshoel? Oops... I said bad word. I need an eraser.

They're still arguing. It's about who gets to rape me. I feel kind of special... being all rapeable and stuff. It's kind of cool... I think.

I have idea. Hang on.

Heheheh. I had good idea. Me told Firey and Palm Tree. It is a very good idea. Now they don't have to fight. Here I'll tell you idea I- Hey is that a fly?

Ow. The wall is no longer my friend.

Now what was I saying? Oh my idea.

I told them to just rape eachother that way they don't have to fight. Haha I am smart.

Looks like they're having fun.

I wanna have fun like Fire man and Enpi! It's no faaaair. Now I am lonely and sad.

**(A/N) Since when did the topic of this fic become rape? ... Oh yeah chapter one... who started all of that anyway? ... Oh... that was me huh? Well um... hehehehe. **

**Review and inflate my ego please. It's already starting to deflate.**

**Oh by the way, Enpi comes from a crappy subtitle job on the FMA movie. And the name palm tree hair comes from... well it's hard to explain if you've never seen Envy.**


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